light and sweet

i have to wonder, by the end of my lifetime, how many people will know exactly how i take my coffee...

alcohol and oxygen don't mix.

i am currently in a time of transition. i moved out of the time share in williamsburg and until i get the keys for the compound in bed-stuy i am staying with my boyfriend and his roomate/ex-girlfriend in crown heights. it is not as weird as it sounds.
except last night we all got really drunk in the living room, playing jenga. smoking cigarettes. we killed a couple bottles of wine and a good portion of a bottle of gin.
how the snoot made it to work today is beyond me.
i waddled out of bed around noon today and stood there looking at the wreckage. it was bad. cigarettes every where. empty bottles. toppled jenga tower. dirty glasses. but the part that puzzled me the most was the presence of a camera. a camera?
the last thing i remember is a falling jenga tower and then i was waking up naked in the bedroom.
after a certain amount of party the last thing you want is photographic evidence.
later in the afternoon, after wandering fuzzy headed and aimlessly with ms. roomie through manhattan we settled down at an outdoor cafe for a glass of dog hair.
after a few sips i managed to get out "was someone taking pictures last night?". she told me what she remembered.
i really hope those photos don't come out.

vanity fair...again...

it was at the art fair that she saw the gigantic orb displaying one very magnified eye. as they walked by it she tried to explain to him the brief phenomenom of the lover's eye. where miniature portraits were painted of a single eye to be given to a lover. where only a lover would know someone so intimately to identify them from just a portrait of their eye.
she finished her explanation as he turned to her.
taking both of her hands he swayed, only slightly...she knew he was wasted.
he swayed. tried to steady himself and looked in her eyes. took both of her hands and said "you are totally my lover."
maybe that meant that he had seen her eyes. she could have thought about it more. but she looked up. beyond him. to the backdrop of his profession of love and saw only the life size paintings of maniac clowns decapitating people with chain saws.
was it a sign?
she leaned forward and kissed him.

the serenity prayer

i think it would be really amazing if more people in my life used it as a basic guideline in their day to day existence. i feel like it would decrease the number of doomsday phone calls i get on a weekly basis.

spice of life

most people who know me are acutely aware of the fact that i cry a lot. almost everything has the potential to bring me to tears. but my life has been relatively cry free for the past few months. this has been an astounding and refreshing change in my life.

yesterday my new found love interest and i went for our weekly picnic in the park. we hit up mamoun's falafel imporium. two falafel's with hot sauce.

my ethnic back ground being what it is, i have spent my entire life eating spicy food. it is nothing new to me, and my tolerance is high. yesterday, as i sat across from my blond haired, blue eyed date, i was baffled by the fact that he seemed relatively unphased by the spice of the falafel. i had started sweating.

it was when my nose started running that he finally said "it's really hot." thank god i wasn't the only one who thought so.
after i started crying i decided that it was really imperative for me to remove the top part of my sandwich. my mouth was on fire. my stomach was scared. i'm sure that my taste buds had been permanently damaged. i felt like a total wimp. sitting at the picnic table, tears running down my face, i tried to explain. it was too much. in an act of chivalry he reached across the table, took my sandwich and said "i'll eat that part for you."

he took a bite. his eyes widened. his nostrils flared. he looked at me and said "they put way more hot sauce on yours."

as he started crying i realized that we had just shared something that would bring us together. that would make us stronger. as we both sat there, tears running down our face, snot running from our noses, looking into each other's eyes i thought "this must be where we fall in love."

goal oriented.

after thinking it over for a minute i said to him "i want to try to be less selfish."
he said "i don't think you're selfish."
"...maybe not so much. but i am definitely self absorbed."
"that's ok. somebody's gotta pay attention to you."

ohmygod. thank you.

and eat it too.

as they walked away from dinner she decided to ask him.

"were you disappointed to find out i was such an emotional trainwreck?"

he responded without hesitation.

"disappointed? no. no i wasn't disappointed. it was more like..it is more like i'm out to dinner. it's my birthday. all of my friends are with me and i've had a really great meal. and afterwards they bring out a huge birthday cake. and it's beautiful and i am really thankful and then i get ready to cut it and i ask who else wants a piece. and they all just say, 'oh no. it's ALL for you!' and i am looking at that big cake, and it's all for me...and i'm already really full. that's what it's like."

and she knew that couldn't be good.