guaranteed fresh

i just went to the vending machine and bought a bag of cheetos. guaranteed fresh until printed date. the date is JAN 16. i don't remember which wong kar wai movie it was...chung king express? his girlfriend breaks up with him on april fool's day, so he goes around buying cans of pineapple with a may first expiration date, at which point he feels she will either come back to him or his feelings for her will turn. and then may first passes and he can't find anymore cans with that expiration date.
it makes me want to go buy all the bags of cheetos with a JAN 16 guaranteed fresh until.
JAN 16 is my birthday.

today is the day. former LP, ms. alison arrives at 4:50pm. the agenda is as follows: dance party, funfunfun, dance party, knife throwing, thrifting, dance party, knitting, bbq, mexican food, dance party. i wonder if this is the beginning to yet another incredibly unhealthy relationship. i seem to be so good at them.

the squirrelicorn

i got an antler out of freddy's truck and i am seriously contemplating wearing it tied around my head after i get the squirrel-suit from dion. then it will be like a cross between the picture that accurately represents my feelings about being in love and max from how the grinch stole christmas.
tis the season.
i can't wait.

five second rule

my house is so fucking clean right now. you could eat off the floor...it's probably cleaner than my plates. my hands are cracked and bleeding from the cleaning products and being submerged in water for extended periods of time. there are no more dustbunnies. my cat doesn't know where she is. she's extremely bored. my lawn is mowed. i watched countless hours of benny hill on thanksgiving day.
gobble gobble.

house cleaning

my bathroom looks like a totally different place now that i removed the precariously placed shelving unit that existed above the toilet. i certainly did not feel like the hostess with the mostest when i heard it crashing down on my unsuspecting house guest as they were taking a piss.

i feel like a bit of a slacker knowing this whole time that i've had the tools and the skills to build something more stable and aesthetically appealing, but have really just been lazy and unmotivated for the past three years. i can't even imagine what i would be like if i smoked pot.

the harlot makes her life seem appealing:

but what happens when your seven-headed-horned-liger-leopard turns on you?

the memory project

The Memory Project is a program through which artists volunteer to create original portraits of/for children living in orphanages around the world. Given these children's frequent history of neglect, abuse and abandonment, such a keepsake is pretty much invaluable in instilling a sense of identity and heritage. The project is largely advertised as being directed toward high school art students, but college students, amateur or professional artists may also volunteer--the only requirement is sufficient skill and creativity to produce a well-executed, thoughtful and original portrait that will be valuable to the recipient for its quality as well as its sentiment.

more info at the memory project

i'm in love

and this is an accurate representation of what it feels like: