legs

i guess because half of me comes from a stock of relatively hairless people i have some how made it into adulthood with barely any hair on my arms or legs. many of you know this about me. well, this morning, after i got out of the shower, i was putting lotion on my legs and found a white hair that at first i thought belonged to the cat, but it was attached to my leg! and, i shit you not, it was like...2 inches long. at least. incredible.
when i was growing up my mother had this one hair that grew out of her chin. she never plucked it because she said it was good luck. sometimes people would see it and think that it was some stray cat hair or something and reach over and try to get it off her face and they would pull it out. she would scream and cry about how they stole her luck away from her and then wait for weeks for it to grow back. then the cycle would repeat itself.
i'm not saying that my leg hair is good luck or any sign of wisdom, but it just made me think of that. like the guy at tan tan.

i was not made for cold weather.

it has definitely been confirmed that although i was born into this weather, i was not meant to be in this weather. don't get me wrong...i love snowmen and gluhwein and skiing and sledding and iceskating. but i hate the cold. it may be one of the few things that isn't a people that i feel really passionate about.
the past four days in mexico were exactly what i wanted. falling asleep all lazy in the sun, listening to the ocean.
lips, we totally took your advice on the drinking and staggering, but isla de mujeres will have to wait until next time. we did go snorkeling in chakanaab, though. we were stalked by a barracuda...i've had Heart in my head ever since.
sometimes, when i'm greeting people on the plane, i feel like i'm a cast member in "the love boat", but i know that what i feel doesn't even compare to what the hotel staff at this resort must feel. everyone says hello. everyone smiles. there are activities planned all day and night.
in my head it is similar to what david foster wallace describes in "a supposedly fun thing i will never do again". but i would totally go on a cruise. and i would totally go to this place again for mindless drinking on the beach.
the weirdest thing must have been on the last night we were there. on the way back from dinner the theater doors were open and i heard music from the musical "cats"
the staff was on stage. dressed as cats. dancing and lip syncing to "jellical cats". the back drop looked like it had been painted by a 5th grader. a lot of thought went into the choreography. it was a whole mix of broadway. phantom of the opera. chorus line. chicago. cats. i just wish someone had seen it besides us.
i found pretty shells but michael told me they should stay on the beach.
i think he's probably right.
it's cold in ny. we're going to a holiday party in westchester dressed as a band on tour. van and all.
i wonder what it's like in texas. i think i'm going to miss gayle's party...did i miss gayle's party?
my toes are really cold.
but i think i have enough brown to last me until we make it to maui. i can hold out for two more months...two more months.

habit creature

i ended up back in the south the other day. early december was warm and sunny. my girlfriend and i sat in this bar called earl's near the big open picture windows. wooden benches, worn and crooked floor boards, ashtrays on every table and an easy breeze coming through reminded me of an older, lazier texas. slowed down and resigned. there was a fruit fly that kept coming between us and our conversation and i raised both my hands and brought them together hard and when i pulled them apart i was amazed to see the little guy smashed against my palm. and as i gloated in my victory, another appeared.
later that night three of us ended up at an ugly sweater party. which is so pleasant during the holidays. and our sweaters may have been a little too warm. out on the back porch it was a gorgeous evening. the kind that new york prolly won't see again until at least march. possibly may.

michael and i leave for cozumel in 9 hours.

4 days of sea and sun, and now, on lips's recommendation there will also be rum, staggering and cursing. and possibly some snorkle.

my plan is to stay as brown as i can all winter long. instead of getting the ultimate winter corpsey .

you were perfectly fine

she wondered how she was going to handle standing up. laying in bed she could sense that it was really going to have to be a triumph of the will. it hurt to think about it. her drinking muscles really over exerted themselves the night before. maybe putting both her feet on the floor first while keeping the rest of her body horizontal for a bit would make the transition easier. vertical was not going to be fun.
she lay in her half vertical for a bit. contemplating her hangover. she seemed coated in a dull sense of shame that she couldn't quite place.
maybe if she kind of rolled her torso up to a sitting position she could think more clearly.
she heard him in the kitchen. it might just be best to bite the bullet and waddle out.
her mouth tasted ... unpleasant.
she sat down across from him at the table and put her head in her hands.

she: man, i got wasted last night.
he: yeah. i don't know how. you didn't have that much to drink...
she: yes i did.
he: me too.
she: i have this weird feeling. like i may have tried to make out with your ex.
he: if i had to make an educated guess, she was probably trying to make out with you.
she: huh...you think?
he: ummm, yeah.
she: ...that's cool...
he: ...i've gotta stop dating lesbians.

my hangover reigns supreme.

it seemed like a nice time to be talking to a girlfriend. fuzzy-headed, in bed, catching up.
she listened to her ripple-dipple:

"have you ever used a sponge before? they're weird. ugh. anyway, i was just really freaking out and having a hard time with it because, you know, i only stick things inside myself for recreational purposes. not utilitarian."

girlface, that totally makes sense...

life at the timeshare

this morning the knocking started at about 9:30 this morning. i tried to ignore it. i didn't feel like getting dressed. i didn't feel like dealing with what it probably was. then i heard the keys. i jumped up, got dressed and answered.

before i started staying at the condo in williamsburg patty warned me "don't let them in to do anything. they'll make it worse."

a couple of months ago i had my first encounter with them wanting to come in and i had been able to avoid the situation until this morning. they rushed in and before i could finish saying "don't you think if the water is falling out down there, that's prolly where the problem---" they were taking a hammer to the wall. it really happened that fast.

i didn't know what to do. i decided to send an email to patty. i hate being the messenger.

i wrote "they're here. the leak. i tried to avoid. i tried to stop. no avail."

i'm afraid to leave because they don't shut the door. there are pieces of wall scattered all over the kitchen. the last i heard they were looking for a sawzall, which can't lead to anything good at this point.

patty called and we had a small, yet meaningful panic session.
she called them to inquire.
i think they are delusional. they are under the sink. they don't know what they're doing. they are going to leave a hole in the wall. the cat wants to jump into it.
i just want to run away. there's no water. i don't smell great. i've gotta pee. i guess it's time to shut dorcas into the front room and push the dresser in front of the door.

they're gonna leave that hole in the wall.
they're gonna leave that hole in the wall.

mama's little helper.

i sat in the airport for 4 hours and didn't fly anywhere. i spent most of the time waffling between talking to dustin and reading "glamour".
i came home thinking there was at least a quarter of the big bottle of gato negro...but i was totally wrong. not even a full glass.
sometimes you just want to get sauced.
they were out of polish beer.
now it's just me, a bottle of yueng ling and a shit load of gin.
god help me.

the excitement

i wobbled into the kitchen this morning and looked out the window and snow everywhere.
i ran back into the bedroom screaming "ohmygod, michael!"
he sat up straight in bed, visibly alarmed. "what!?"
"it snowed!"
"jesus christ, you scared the crap outta me."

he definitely was not as excited as i was.
it's my first snow in 10 years.
it's a big deal.

i have to leave for work here in a minute. we'll see how excited i am when it comes to the commute...