wtf?

i was just at the water cooler at work, and there is lipstick around the spigot. kind of grossed me out.

during my fox-television-prime-time-binge

a trail of dead song played repeatedly in last night's episode of "standoff", the new fox series about two of the fbi's top negotiators that are having a love affair with each other. it left me feeling confused and uncomfortable.

teddy just reminded me...

of my dream last night. i was at an indoor swimming pool. charlie from lost was there. i jumped into the pool before i realized that it was full of heroine. and i got caught in the sea plants and couldn't get out.

walks of shame.

we've all got them, right? my two top favorites being:

1. in college, walking back home. 11am. large t-shirt. baggy baggy jeans. high heels. tiny, shiny purse. stockings and underwear in my back pocket. torn dress in my hand. all class.

2. bright summer day. 10:30am. walking out to my cab. skin tight black pants. skin tight black tank top. shiny, high heel black boots. yoko-ono sunglasses. a rat's nest of hair. cab driver asks "where to?" "west 29th street" "any prefered route?" i look at my surroundings..."honestly, i don't know where the fuck i am."

days of mis-spent youth. and not-so-youth.

vacation all i ever wanted, vacation had to get away

my vacation was awesome. the first weekend i spent mostly at acl with donna kaye, going to barton springs, walking around blah blah. we saw some interesting shit. sylvia st. james being the most unusual. i felt like i was watching a huge white fluffy chicken prancing around on stage. jenn daly and i almost got our heads beaten in by some douchebag at trophy's on friday night, but managed to come out of that unscathed. i managed to work several games of scrabble into the week. best game ever. how people can not want to play it is beyond me. i totally won. donna kaye, ashley, kari, laura and i spent wednesday evening watching america's next top model. this is our new wednesday now that "so you think you can dance" is over.

saturday i vomited in the sink while brushing my teeth. this has never happened to me before. all i could think was "there goes my dinner from mars." i pretty much just spent the rest of the week in bed, watching movies. listening to townes van zandt. with the windows and doors open.

my obsession with fox television

is getting to be a little much. last night i had a prison break dream. i was trying to escape with other family members. 2 brothers and a sister. and an aunt, but she was eliminated from the project after trying to drive away from the hospital. they caught her and cut off her clutch leg.

it was only those of us over the age of 18 that were really trying to escape. and at one point i broke back into prison to try and get medical records. three of my co-workers were involved. brenda worked inside the prison. she was a doctor. and cassandra and jim bob just offered me a ride to my safe haven (eastern new jersey). jim bob realized that this was probably a bad idea when cassandra told him she didn't have her car with her so he would have to drive me out to eastern jersey and then drive all the way back to wherever they were going. but after i tried to break back into prison i had an escape vehicle waiting for me. the original one got broken into by some thugs that were hanging out in the prison parking lot. so i jumped into this brightly spray-painted moving van with one of my co-escapees (close highschool friend). sam (i don't know sam's last name, but he's from mississippi and used to work at little city, club deville, and terra toys) was driving the van and it was filled with these weird animated stuffed animals. one was really hyper and driving my friend crazy but as long as the van kept moving it would stay calm.

the dream kind of ended with me and my girlfriend doing bong hits at her grandma's house.

it was like prison break, the episode of the simpsons where marge gets committed after trying to kill becky, and the story on fox news last night about the amputee golf tournament.

literacy is hot

my father just informed me that he is sending me rod stewart's great american song book series 1, 2, 3 and 4. fed-ex. like it was that important. i like rod stewart alright, but i don't feel like i really need to be hearing him sing "i get a kick out of you" or any of those other songs that i hear on a nightly basis at the elephant room. my dad's weird. it was almost better when he told me the story about his younger than me girlfriend. which was a hoax, ultimately. he's still with his appropriate aged, still married girlfriend.

prison break is really getting scandalous. everyone is turning all drama queen.

i just sneezed in my hand

i almost got hit by a car just now. unlike almost getting hit by a bus yesterday, this would have been my fault. i must have been really distracted still from trying to run out into the middle of 8th street to rescue the lip balm that had flown out of my pocket. i heard it hit the ground and start rolling through the intersection right outside of the omni. i was determined to not have another lip balm casualty this week. i've lost 5 new tubes of chapstick in the past 7 days. that's just too much.

jenn daly and i want to know where they offer classes in lesbianism. it seems like now is good a time as any to start being serious about eating pussy. so instead of being just a hobby it can be a full time gig. "i play a little guitar" no more of that. anyway, if anyone can give us a heads up.

paul, what did you say to me earlier? i didn't copy it before i came over to blog world. and now i can't remember.

i'm still sweating. i am currently the only person in the office. i cut three of my fingers last night trying to cut out a chunk of my hair, stick the ends together with wax, braid it, and then fuse a rat tail into jenndaly's hair before she left for new jersey...someone was asking me for my phone number last night and i can't remember why...

i've totally overbooked my weekend.

and this morning i reached new heights while crying to some disney musical song on the radio...i can't remember which...the colours of the wind, or something like that. it was rough. i really need a new hobby.

the coma

the weekend was extremely uneventful outside of the comedy show at the velveeta on saturday night. i spent the three days after that in a comatose sleep which was a relief after the insomnia. the dreams got a little out of control though. especially yesterday when i was having dreams about having a terrible period when in reality i was having a terrible period. it was like work dreams. except worse. and a turtle that wouldn't leave me alone. i woke up from all of it thinking i just wanted to move back home. talk about depressing.

i highly recommend the "thank you turkey" sandwich at which wich. it's incredible