once upon a life partner

my former LP is coming to visit me at the end of the month.

i told her we would have to share the bed.
"ha, after all we've shared you think i'd balk at a bed?"
"i guess you're right. we've shit together."
"actually, i was thinking more of the time you picked my used tampon up off the floor."

ali, was that after you pulled it out and threw it at matt? refresh my memory.

family ties

father: "did you get the message i left you about text messaging?"
daughter: "yes."
f: "you've sent well over 400. you gotta cut it out."
d: "i know. i'm sorry."
f: "it's been a long time since you've done that."
d: "but daddy, i'm in love."
f: "that's you're problem. i'm not paying for your fucking love affair."

carnies

the very end of my dream last night involved me being on a carnival ride...it was the kind that is just the swings. i sat in a swing and started pumping my legs but the carnie just started yelling at all of us, telling us that we were being too rowdy, and we had to calm down. that this was a peaceful, quiet ride. and made us all stand up and hold onto the overhead loops (like the kind they have on the bus or subway to hang onto) and walk in a circle, and he started it turning, but it was moving really slow. then it would stop and start, stop and start. then he started it and it started moving faster and faster until my feet weren't touching the ground anymore and i was trying to hang on, and i couldn't get into the swing and suddenly swarms of police cars and sirens surrounded the carnival, and apparently we must have all been criminals because we started running in all different directions and people who had been close to a pile of our backpacks just started grabbing them, running through the crowd calling our names so we could get our stuff. and there was another girl there, apparently with my last name. but her first name was deena. it was her backpack i found. i never got mine back.

better off dead

this movie recently reminded me of being an exchange student. i remember the first week i was in germany the family i was staying with mentioned the fact that the neighbor boy really wanted to take me out.

the neighbor boy. simon. when i asked what he was like my family said "oh, well, he's nice."

"nice?" i said. "nice is the adjective i use to describe people that don't have a personality." nice is right up there with "bless his heart." they just looked at each other and kind of nodded.

simon. large. long, wavy/frizzy hair. except on top where it was thinning. glasses. you could tell he listened to metal. you could tell he had intentions of making me his girlfriend. if it had been winter i would have thrown a snowball at his head and yelled "get real!"

i came through the outting relatively unscathed, but for the next month whenever he knocked on the door i had to have my family lie and say i was alseep...you know, jet lag, culture shock. luckily i transfered schools and families. simon problem solved. it's amazing the things that you block out of your memory, and the things that make you remember them.

candy-coloured clown they call the sandman

in my dreams last night fleetwood, red alert and i are looking for a house around the lake. we tried to do it before it got dark and even though we were by the lake the entire scene was very much like the house from "the color purple."

then there was a house across the lake that they found that they wanted to buy. it had a lot of triangles. and sea foam green. and a nice pool. very....howard johnsons with better colors. there's a howard johnson's in chicago i really want to stay in. we had been invited to a party there. i was the only one that went. and i tried to sneak out because the party was just a trap to catch kidnappers. the people that owned the house had lost their 9 year old and 2 year old to kidnappers in nyc. my hair turned completely white. all i could think of was the movie "the bride with white hair". brigitte lin's character is a young woman orphaned and raised by wolves at a young age. she was then "adopted" by an evil cult run by these two monster siamese twins. they train her to be a kung-fu killing machine. on one of her missions she meets her enemy/future lover...i can't remember his name, but he was a member of the wu tang clan...after they fall in love she decides to leave her evil cult and join her lover. but the siamese twins use some kind of magik to deceive her lover and he betrays her. in her devastation her hair turns white, takes on a mind of it's own and becomes a deadly weapon, reaching out and wrapping itself around anyone and everyone in site.

when i woke up my hair was still black. i watched shop girl last night. it was a nice, slow, thoughtful movie. i lost my barrette in the debauchery that ensued this weekend. i'm having some serious hair issues.

all she wanted was balls

it was almost 4 years ago that jenndaly had her ladies only birthday at mezzaluna. the wear whatever you never get a chance to. the whole place full of chicks on bikes wearing anything from spandex to prom dresses to leather. and then karaoke at the nix nox (r.i.p.).

keri, yael and i went to the jewlery store in fiesta and ordered her a gold charm. and a rope chain. the charm was like the kind that carrie bradshaw wears. the cursive kind. it said "balls".

about a year or so later she lent it to leopard larry to wear at his vasectomy party. at one point larry pulls the chain off his neck and throws the balls to the ground. lost under a pile of confetti and other stuff.

i know she doesn't need those balls anymore, but i am still pissed at that motherfucker for losing our gift to her.

happy birthday jenny. jenny? jenny?

dream-state

last night i dreamt that i was a spy and my supervising agent was trying to sabotage my escape plan to get out of this farm during wartimes. my contact was on my side, but s.a. tried getting me into a small, dungeon-like hatch. luckily the place caught on fire before he could force me into the dungeon. then i had gotten to a point where i was allowing my cat to take control of my life and she tried to lead me into an ocean of heroine, which seems to be a recurring theme in my dreams.

scent triggers memory

the air freshener that is being used in the 5th floor ladies room of the E.O. Thompson building is the same smell that was in my house in the 6th grade at christmas time. the first morning i smelled it was the day i got jesus christ superstar for christmas. so i always think of the soundtrack whenever i come across that odor. the sense of smell is so amazing.

the humanity

i went to whole foods during lunch today to buy some fruit and graze the samples. the green gazpacho sucks. when i got up to the counter with my apple and orange i realized that i didn't really have any money on me. so i just got the orange. after i paid and started to walk off the cashier was like "wait". i turned around and he handed me the apple and said "it's a sample."

this entire incident was followed up by me relaying this story to dustin/jimmy outside of marakesh. the old man that harrasses everyone for money really loudly "hey man, can you give me some money to get somethin to eat?" was sitting across from us asking that of everyone that went by. when i got up to leave i saw a dollar on the ground just a couple of feet in front of him. i picked it up and put it in my pocket. i'm totally a dollar richer.

i'm not kidding

guy with dreds: hey, you should come to our party tomorrow night it'll be really cool, we're gonna have djs and a few kegs. and we can always use more people with dreds.

lisa b.: i don't have dreds...

gwd: you don't? girl if you don't have dreds then you seriously need to comb your hair.

i know i've said this before, but i do not now, nor have i ever had dredlocks.

sometimes nice people suck too.

i feel like i know a lot of ladies that will appreciate this.

so while i was on vacation

i was travel dreaming.

i flew to vietnam on monday. totally slept through the flight. fly into saigon, my family meets me at the airport. we go to a small village just outside of the city. there is a large picnic table and tons of food. my grandparents and their siblings are on one side, cousins and younger people on the other. there was another lisa. most of the younger people spoke english. after we finished eating one of my cousins takes me to another village where they were trying to hang terredackdyl (i don't know how to spell it and couldn't find it in the dictionary) bones in the cypress tree. they had been blown down in a storm. the tree was a place people would visit to hang their wishes on. the older people started to go to bed and my cousin and i went into the city. she took me to a place that was a house/bar...kind of like art palace. and in the middle of the room there was a chandelier where people hung wishes as well. after the bar closed we walked through the streets of saigon (bad neighborhood) and got on a bus home. i had to fly into dallas the next day. i got to dallas on wednesday, and i was flying back to saigon on friday. then i realized that my passport expired in 1999 and i couldn't really understand how they let me fly there in the first place but i knew i needed to renew it. i went to city hall and filled out the paperwork to have it expressed...there was a kinkos in there so i went to get my picture taken. then i called my dad and asked him for the money to pay for it. i only had like, 20 bucks in my pocket when i was in saigon . when i got my passport the background of my picture was red and white gingham, and my hair was long and green, brown, purple and white.