people do change...

as soon as he left that morning i could feel the crazy setting in. i knew that i had to do something. like leave. not be there when he got back. i had to do something that would calm me down without the use of valium. it was going to be tricky.
and then he called. he's on his way home. he has bagles. we're gonna have sandwiches and i try to pretend like i'm normal.

"i'm not at home. i'm on my way to china town. wanna come?"
"sure."

it would have gone over great if i didn't call right back and uninvite him.

three hours later i end up back there. a hot mess and a bunch of i-don't-know-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-with-me-so-please-stop-asking (which is very similar to the i-know-exactly-what's-going-on-with-me-but-i've-had-too-much-to-drink-and-can't-talk-about-it-now scenario). and i try to explain to him. i desperately try to explain to him

b: "i didn't always used to be like this."
u: "like what?"
b: "like...this...i dunno. like this crazy."
u: "really. so if i called ali right now she would tell me you used to be different?"
b: "well, no. she's a bad person to ask because we had 7 years of no contact..."
u: "so, if i called andypants right now..."
b: "oh, god no! please, don't ask andy...i mean...ok, i have always been crazy, but i didn't used to be like this. i used to be....i dunno, somehow more of a cold-hearted bitch and somewhere along the line that just went down the shitter."

but it didn't matter what i was saying at that point. the text message was already being sent: "hey andy, has she always been THIS crazy?"

we sat and waited. waited for andy pants to write back "yes. but she used to be a lot meaner."

thanks, pants. now he'll never believe my pleas of "not-crazy"

and on that note, thanks, scottie-revo for leaving this for me:

Crying in Restaurants