no shame

while trying to overcome the performance anxiety that sometimes occurs even in solitude she imagined a gently flowing stream, hoping it would induce urination. as the moment finally arrived the door knob attempted to turn. unsuccessfully. thank god she had locked it. she needed this moment.
but wait. it's happening again. this time the lock turning too...how can that be? who would want to walk in on this?
the door opened. there he was. fucker.
he walks in and closes the door behind him.
frantically she yells "what the fuck are you doing?"
"i have the key" he says with a calm that noticeably raises her blood pressure.
"you couldn't wait?"
"i have to floss. it smells like piss in here."
"that's because i'm peeing!"
"and box. it smells like box too...i just farted."
"you couldn't fucking wait?"
"i had to floss."
"you just broke into the bathroom so you could criticize my urine and my box and fart in my face?"
"are you ok?"
...
"yes."

i mean, what else could she say? he'd just made her dinner.